Runner

Everyone looked at Ryan, a 13-year-old boy, standing on the starting line.  People started murmuring.

            A little girl turned to her mom in surprise: “Mom, what happened to his legs?”

            “Well…he has no legs.” Her mom replied, then whispered to herself: “I can’t believe it…”

            “Then how’s he going to run?”

            “You guys must be new?” a guy next to the little girl and her mom said.

            “We just moved here a couple weeks ago.” The mom nodded.

            “We’ve seen this kid many times... probably too many.” He shook his head with a smirk. 

            The mom and little girl looked at each other.

            Ryan’s mom, Michelle, and his older brother, Stan, sat in the front row.  “I can’t believe you let him do that again.” Stan said.

            “What’s that supposed to mean?” Michelle stared into Stan’s eyes.

            “You know what I mean.”

            “No I don’t.”

            Stan sighed.  “Don’t you think he failed enough times?  Every time he finished last, and I have to sit here and watch it every time.  I don’t even remember how many times he tried.”

            “He’ll win this time; he’s been practicing a lot, and I mean a lot.  He’ll win.  I know it.” Michelle looked at Ryan.

            Stan muttered: “Yea, right, I heard that before.”

            “Can’t you show a bit of support to your own brother?” Michelle cast a displeased look on him.

            “It’s not that I don’t support him, but it’s depressing… it’s like… you know, watching Sisyphus in action.”

            “Watch what?” Michelle frowned.

            “You know, Sisyphus?  The dude punished by gods to roll a big rock uphill forever?  It’s the hopeless efforts and frustration to infinity and beyond, you know?  Pointless.”

            Michelle looked away.  “He’ll win this time.  I know it.”

            Everyone on the starting line was ready.  Some of them couldn’t help but glance at Ryan’s prosthetic limbs.  The world was silent. 

            The gun fired.  Every runner burst off.  The audience shouted and yelled.

            “Run!  Ryan!  Run!  See!  You see Ryan?  He’s leading!  He’s leading!” Michelle screamed in a frenzy of joy, almost couldn’t catch her breath.  “You see, Stan?  Ryan is ahead!”

            Stan watched in disbelief: “No way…”

            Everyone in the audience looked at Ryan in awe: he was exhibiting tremendous energy and power.  The runner behind him was very close, but Ryan showed no sign of slowing down.

            The first turn.  It was dangerous: keeping balance on prosthetic limbs was even more difficult at this point.  But he made it.  Michelle’s holler could be heard miles away.

            Then, the runner behind Ryan started to catch up. 

            Ryan sensed the threat, and pushed himself even harder.  However, that runner was now with him shoulder by shoulder. 

            The second turn.  Ryan tried to concentrate on balancing himself.  That runner started to get ahead.  Ryan lost concentration; he looked at the runner instead of ahead.

            A mistake.

            Suddenly, Ryan tripped and fell.  He rolled along the track and bruised himself all over.  The audience exhaled a sigh of astonishment.  Michelle’s eyes wide open; she gasped and covered her mouth.

            Ryan struggled to stand up and ran to the finish line.  He was the last.

            “How much longer is he going to sit over there?” Stan said.  He and Michelle were still in their seats looking at Ryan, who was crouching in the corner of the track.  The whole stadium was empty and quiet.

            Ryan whimpered, touched the gauze pads on his elbows and knees.  They looked ridiculously big.  The cuts and bruises hurt a lot, but his whimpers weren’t from the pain.

            “Mom said you cried.” Suddenly Stan was behind him.

            Ryan didn’t respond.

            “Isn’t it time to go home now?  I’m not complaining or anything, but you’ve tried, you know?  You said you wanted to try, and now you know.  You’ve tried so many times, has it occurred to you that it’s time to stop, right?”

            Ryan turned back and looked at Stan for a while.

            “C’mon, let’s go and forget about this.”

            Ryan struggled to stand up.  He slowly walked past Stan silently. 

            The early morning three days later.  Ryan was in the stadium.  It was empty except a couple of people slowly jogging.

            He walked up to the starting line.  His face distorted for a split second because of the bruises and wounds.  He stared at the rising sun on the horizon.

            He burst off from the line, as if running toward the sun to catch it.

The Walk

(A story based on personal experience)

            “Now what on earth did you do that for!?” Ray yelled at Bob.

            Bob was a new comer in this company.  He tried hard to make a good impression on everyone.  He actually was quite successful; many people liked him—except Ray, one of the supervisors. 

            In fact, Ray yelled at anyone who crossed his way.

            “Sorry, sir, I…” Bob struggled to explain, “I didn’t…I wasn’t….”

            “I’ve said a thousand times, if not a million: do not leave anything on my god damn microwave!  Now get rid of your god damn coffee from there, would ya?”

            “Sorry, yes, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to…” Bob left the room with his damn coffee.

            Outside, some people looked at Bob with a strange mix of smirk and sympathy.  “You’ve met the king, haven’t you?” Adam, a co-worker, came over and patted Bob’s shoulder.

            “What’s his deal?” Bob lowered his voice, still looked at Ray’s direction.

            “Don’t worry, he’s not really a bad guy; his bark is way worse than his bite.  It’s just his personality.  You’ll get used to it in no time.  I promise.”

            “I’ve never seen anyone like that,” Bob’s eyes were still wide open.

            “Welcome to the company.” Adam patted him again on his back.

            “I’ve heard he wasn’t this bad before his first wife divorced him.” Amanda, another co-worker, added.

          “I heard differently,” Adam said, “his first wife divorced him because of his temper.”

            “When I heard he got married again I almost fell off my chair!” Amanda said.  “That brave woman!  Somebody should give her a medal.”

            “It won’t last,” Adam sneered.

            “Well, it’s been 8 years.” Amanda shrugged.

            “Unbelievable.” Bob shook his head, took a sip of his coffee.

            Ray was glad that Bob was straightened out.  Now he was going to enjoy his favorite double cheeseburger.  After this burger I’ll hit the gym; I promise.  He told himself.  He was in his 50s.  His hairline was receding, and his belly was blocking his view to his toes.  He knew he should exercise more, and he always told himself tomorrow he would definitely do it. 

            Just when he was about to take the first bite, his office phone rang.  He grudgingly picked it up.  “What?”

            “Ray?  What’s up?” The voice sounded pleasant.  It was his cousin Zach.

            “What do you want?” Ray sniffed. 

            “Nothing, just to say hi.”

            “Spit it out.”

            “OK, ok, I’m just wondering…you know, my lawn mower just broke this morning, and my neighbor is out of town; since you guys are coming to visit tomorrow, can I borrow yours?”

            Ray rolled his eyes.  Please, he’s so cheap!  Last time I used his coffeemaker and now he’s trying to get even?  “Well, Zach, I’m not sure…”

            “Why not?”

            “I’ll have to ask Allison.”

            “I thought you’re the only one using it.”

            “You know what?  I’m having lunch here, why don’t you call back later?”

            “Oh, well, ok…”

            “Bye.” He hung up right away.  Yea right, let you use my stuff, like that will happen.  I’ll deal with it later. Ray took a huge bite of his burger and sighed with relief. 

            Ray was staring at his watch and counting: ten, nine, eight… At the moment it turned 5 o’clock, Ray instantly walked out of his office with his briefcase and a lunch box.  There was another cheeseburger inside for him to enjoy on the way home. 

            He walked out of the gate, expecting he would see Allison waiting for him already.  His car broke down a week ago, and for a week Allison had been faithfully waiting for him right on time.  He specifically told her to pick him up right at 5.  Not one minute late.  Five.

            But today Allison wasn’t there.  He frowned.  He sat down on a bench right outside the company building. 

            “What’s up, Ray?  What are you doing here?” Adam walked out of the door.

            “Waiting for my wife.”

            “What happen to your car?”

            “In the auto shop.  It just wouldn’t start.”

            “Sorry man.  You need a ride?”

            “No, I’m fine.”

            “You sure?”

            “Of course.”

            “Ok, I’ll leave you alone then.  See you later.”

            Ray waited a bit longer.  She’s terribly late.  She must have forgotten.  I knew it; I knew sooner or later it’s gonna happen.  She’s so forgetful.  Ray checked his watch again.  5:03.

            Holding the lunch box, he lost his appetite.  How could she let me wait here?  For such a long time?  Ray reached to his pocket and took out his cell phone.  He was debating whether to call her or not.  The problem: he purchased the cheapest phone plan—$2 per day for unlimited calls, and no charge at all if not making or receiving any call that day.  He hadn’t made or received any call yet.  I’m not gonna throw away $2 just for her mistake.  I’m gonna wait. And she better shows up quick.

            It wasn’t until 5:15 that Ray realized that she might not come at all.  All the other co-workers were gone, and there was nobody he knew around.  He wasn’t thrilled with the idea of walking home: it was a 2-mile walk; the sun was shining above, and the air was dusty.  He started cursing.  For Christ’s sake, she just doesn’t care; I’ll bet right at this moment she’s in salon doing her hair, or in the mall shopping and enjoying herself.  I’ll bet she fucking totally forgot about me. This is so typical of her. 

            5:29.  Ray finally got up.  Ok, enough of this shit, I’ll walk; I’m always the one who sacrifices anyway.  When she sees me she’ll know how guilty she is.

            He started walking home. 

            It really wasn’t a pleasant walk.  It was cold that morning so Ray brought a jacket.  Now it was too warm, but it was easier to put that damn jacket on because he already had his briefcase and a ridiculously big lunchbox in his hands.  Merely 5 minutes into the walk, the heat caught between the jacket and his body was already boiling; the up-and-down road surely wasn’t helping the situation.  Holding that lunchbox not only annoyed him, but also made him look stupid.  He cursed some more. 

            Some dogs barked from distance.  Ray was never a dog person; especially big dogs.  Whenever he sees a big dog his heart pounds.  I hope they’ve locked their dogs.  It sounds like too far to be a threat though, guess I’m safe anyway.

            But the dogs barked some more.  Wait, it’s way closer now.  Ray’s neck muscles tensed.  He looked to his right.  Two huge dogs as big as lions were running toward him.  He could see their white fangs.  Ray totally froze; in fact, he was paralyzed.  There was nobody around, and it was literally impossible for him to outrun these dogs.  He had only one thought: oh Fuck!  I’m gonna die!

            Before he could move a muscle, the two lions were already right in front of him.  Their mean look turned to curiosity, their barking was replaced by sniffing.  He let them did whatever they wanted.  About 5 seconds later they lost their interest and sniffed the grass instead.

            Ray almost soiled his pants, but he managed to keep walking.

            Some cars zoomed by.  Several drivers glanced at him.  Fine, just ignore me, or better yet, look at me like I’m a clown.  Don’t offer any help. 

            Suddenly, a car turned around.  A middle-aged man in the car rolled down the window.  “Hey man, where’re you going?”

            “…Fairview street.” Ray uttered.

            “Want a ride?”

            He hesitated.  What does he want?  Why’s he acting nice?  What’s the catch?  “…I’ll walk.”

            The guy nodded and drove away.

           

            When Ray finally got home, it was 6: 26.  He was puffing like an old dog and sweating like a pig.  The garage was empty.  Fine, she must be looking for me now.  Let her panic.  She should be sorry.

            He opened the door.  To his surprise, Allison was sitting on the sofa.  Her eyes and nose were red.  She stood up: “Why are you so late?  Is everything ok?”

            What the shit is this?  She hasn’t realized her mistake?  “You forgot to pick me up!” Ray grumbled.   

            “Why should I pick you up?  You drove the car to work this morning.”

            Ray paused. 

            “I’m sick so I took a day off, remember?” She sniffed.

            “I…” Suddenly, his mind totally went blank.  Then everything was clear: right!  He was the one who drove the car this morning!  Now the car was parking in the company’s parking lot.  Shit!  Shit, shit, and shit!  How could I be so stupid?

            “Oh my gosh, so you walked home!?” Allison’s eyes wide open.  “Look at you… oh my, your shirt is soaked!  Why don’t you take that off and sit down?  You want some water?”

            “No… I mean, yes.” Ray said sheepishly. 

            “Why didn’t you call?” She handed him the water.

            “I… uh, I…” he couldn’t find a reason to tell her.

            His cell phone rang.  He picked it up.  “Yes?”

            “Hi Ray, Zach here.  So… did you ask Allison about the lawn mower?”

            “What Lawn mower?” The phone was loud, Allison overheard it and was puzzled.

            “Yes, you can borrow it.” Ray said weakly.

            “Really?  Thanks man!  So you’ll bring it tomorrow?”

            “Yes.”

            “Great!  Thanks!  You’re the man, Ray!”

            He hung up. 

            “So…you have to walk back to get the car?  You still need to work tomorrow.”

            Ray feebly nodded.

            “Well, think of it this way: you’ve got all the exercise you need for today.  Maybe for this week.” Allison giggled.  Ray laughed too, though it looked more like sobbing. 

            To think that he had to walk another 2 miles of uphill and downhill, to face that two stupid lion dogs again, and to bear the heat once more, Ray was completely numbed.  That was totally, fucking stupid.  Usually when shitting things happened, Ray was able to find someone or something to blame.  He was quite talented at it.  But no luck this time. 

            He got up and dragged himself to the door.  He had to walk back right away, and he had to be quick before it got really, really dark.  They lived in countryside, and there were very few streetlights. 

            When he opened the door and looked at the road extended far away, seemingly into the sky, he shook his head with only one thought in his mind.

            That was totally, fucking stupid.  What can possibly be worse?

            Then he realized: the phone call.  It just cost him $2.

Camping in the oven

This week our daughter Yen was suffering from some bad luck. She was invited by her fried to her house to play, then extended the stay b/c her friend wanted Yen to join her brother's birthday party. However, for some reason, when I went to pick Yen up, her friend's parents hadn't start the party yet. All the kids asked me "Can Yen stay?" But her parents said no. It wasn't really a problem for me but I didn't want to impose, so I brought her home. She was nearly in tears when she walked out of her friend's house.

I felt bad for her, so the next day I planned a fishing trip w/ her. Her older brother gave her a fishing pole and she really wanted to try it out. I knew nothing about fishing, but I thought the point was to let her try and made her happy. Well, the whole story was posted on the last blog; we didn't get any luck. But it was a good try in my opinion.

On Wednesday, she kept on asking me about camping. We've kind of planned a camping trip in the beginning of this week cause our oldest son Mike was away for summer camp in Colorado, and we thought we could have some fun ourselves too. But the weather was unstable so we kept on postponing. Yen was keeping on pushing me to have this trip, and finally I decided that Friday was the day for me to keep my promise.

My wife wasn't very fond of the idea. She doesn't like sweating, and she hates the idea of sleeping in a tiny tent in the middle of nowhere w/out all the comforts and safety at home. But I said it was a promise for kids and we had to fulfill it. Plus it could be a family time, and if that really worked then in the future we could save hotel money in our family trip.

So we made all the preparation. Boy, I didn't know we had to bring so many things for a camping trip!! Our tiny car was totally full, and we had to put the tents we rented ($20 for two 4-person tents) on Yen's lap. But at 4:30pm we were off! It should be a fun time, we believed.

We went to a place I and my two boys went this spring. We had a very good time: the food was great, we built a fire in a cold night, and we talked under the stars. That really was a great time. So I thought we could duplicate that experience.

Boy, I couldn't be more wrong.

Now we all can easily see why this trip was doomed to failure, but I was so caught up in the beautiful experience I had that I didn't see many obvious problems. We realized our mistakes very soon though: after 10 minutes we got there, I wanted to escape and go home as fast as I could, like running away from hell.

All the problems could be summed up into a four-letter word: HEAT.

IT WAS HOT!!!! And stupid as I was, I told my kids not to bring more than one bottle of water cause I remembered I didn't finish half of bottle on the last trip. I didn't use my head and think that my last trip was at the end of the winter. Now we were stuck in this OVEN and we couldn't drink water as much as we needed. My wife's face very soon turned bluish, then red, then finally purple. She now walked like a zombie and looked like would drop in any minute. Ben and Yen's faces were red and their eyes were crossed.

I started cooking the food. Meanwhile tons of bugs were outrageously happy b/c four humans were stupid enough to come to their territory at this time of the day to be their dinner and entertainment. The bug's spray on us seemed to attract MORE bugs to investigate us. Maybe it was labeled "bug's spray: attract all the bugs you want." I must check the damn spray again.

"I'm tired and hungry," Ben whined. "Just a minute, I'm cooking." I said. Yen hid in the tent and read the book she brought. My wife couldn't talk.

Finally, we started to eat something: corns, fish, potatoes, and carrots. It was the only cool thing in this trip: the food was not bad.

But after that, we just sit there and didn't know what to do. It was too hot to do anything. Yen planned to fish but we had to walk a distance to reach the creek. And surely nobody wanted to "play;" anything that required to move a muscle was too much to ask. We brought marshmallows, chocolate, and gram crackers, but the marshmallows were sticky and chocolate was in liquid.

It was only 2 hours into our trip, and everybody was cooked.

I tried to escape by retrieving into the tent, like Yen did. But 2 minutes in there I sweat even more. The only good thing was no bugs. "Gosh! How could you stay in there!?" I ran out of the tent. But my wife, who was sampled by mosquitoes, finally hid in the tent w/ Yen. Ben later got into another tent and tried to read. I admired that.

"Let's go home." I finally said.

"No!" Yen protested.

"Why not?"

"I want to sleep here; I want to see the stars."

Stars? I saw them in front of my eyes now. You didn't see them? And sleep here? Are you kidding?

After long suffering, finally at around 8pm, 3 1/2 hours into the trip, Yen gave in, and we packed home.

The moment we got into our cooler home, I recalled the Disney cartoon when Goofy brought his son to carnival and they had a roller-coaster ride together. After the ride, Goofy crawled out of the car and kissed the ground.

I felt like kissing my home too.

Fishing with my daughter

Yesterday I didn't feel well: stomachache (no idea why) and headache. Sleepy all day. Today I feel better.

It was raining quite hard yesterday. Quite chill; I liked that. Today is hot: 91 degrees and probably is rising.

Yesterday my daughter wanted to go camping. I reserved two tents from school, but later postponed to Friday b/c of the rain. She was upset: "I want to use Mike's fishing pole!" So I said: "That's easy, why don't we get the things we need today and go fishing tomorrow?"

I know nothing about fishing, so it took me a while to figure out that the pole her brother gave her was actually broken. Luckily she has another brother who doesn't like outdoor activities. He let her borrowed his pole.

She wanted to go asap, right after the lunch. She had an appointment w/ her friend at 3, so that left us around one hour to actually fish. What made it worse was when we got there, we found out neither of us brought the fishing kit. So we went back and took it. It ended up we only fished less than 40 minutes.

I guess it was ok, cause we didn't get anything. The time probably was not right, the bait probably wasn't right either, and the place probably didn't have many fishes.

But hey, we spent some father-daughter time together, right?

Day 1: Here and now

I'm thinking about spending about half an hour writing something everyday.

I've lived several decades, but till now I'm still wondering "where have all the years gone to?" In my mind I still think I'm only 25 and am just about to start to enjoy my life...but my body and my soul are all getting old. I wonder why.

It's because I'm always worrying about tomorrow and regretting about yesterday. I rarely live right at this moment.

So now, I'll write something everyday so I know what I've experienced today; to show myself that I've lived this day. I hope it'll help me to focus more on "here and now."

==

It's past 10pm now.

Today was a bit boring. And I've been bothered by my physical problem. I felt tired. But I did some meta by scanning through abstracts, and I read the textbook for personality class. Gosh, that is a boring book to read!

In the evening we went to Valentino. That was really a bad decision. We should have gone to Chipotle. At least Sirloin Stockade.

Mike isn't home; he is in Colorado for summer camp and won't come back till this Sat. During the time he's not home, we have much less quarrels; our mind is much more peaceful. And for some reason Ben and Yen seem to be nicer. I think taking away Mike for a week is good for these two kids.

Ben made a lot of clay figures and made a movie under my wife's directions. He enjoyed it a lot, and I'm very happy for him. Without Mike taking away attention, I think we are more likely to find Ben's talents.

I'm aware that I'm too critical. What I have to learn probably is to take it easy; maybe sometimes just let it go. Instead of seeing their messy room, at least I can try to see their smiles first.