"During the making of the film "Friendly Persuasion" — from a novel by Jessamyn West, West remembers director William Wyler, saying, "We’ve got to get one more ‘Will he? Won’t he?" into this." As a writer, West tended not to do enough of creating that tension, which is what readers want."
So again, creating tension. Sometimes in order to do that you've got to be ruthless. Make your characters suffer. Let bad things happen to them. Or let them do bad things. Then see what will come out.
Some more revisions:
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1655035-An-endless-failing-pursuit-temp-title1
Don't forget my other short story:
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1567145-Prince-Vingo-Imperfect-love
47 days.
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